Monday, July 31, 2006

Pam Anderson's Wedding Dress Designer

Over the weekend, Pam Anderson married her on-again, off-again boyfriend Kid Rock aboard a yacht in St. Tropez, France. Say what you may - but they really do deserve each other - since they're the only two people in the world that can make a wedding on a yacht in the French Riviera NOT classy.

Check out the picture. That's ACTUALLY her wedding outfit. It doesn't look like it took a lot of effort to put together. Other than some inspiration from an over-the-hill street walker and Captain Stubbing.

Friday, July 28, 2006

HeadOn: Apply Directly to the Forehead

This is one of the most annoying commercials you'll ever see. And it's causing quite a sensation. The commercial has even made the news here in the U.S. - because of the very fact that it's so simple yet effective. Effective at both making you remember the product's name - and making you want to shoot your TV with a shotgun.

Thursday, July 27, 2006

Hooters Founder Dies

For those of you who haven't heard yet, Robert Brooks, the founder and chairman of Hooters Restaurants, passed away last week. He was 69. Seriously. You couldn't write a better script.

Mr. Brooks will forever be remembered as the guy who mastered and profited from the obvious: large breasts make everything better. Reports indicate that he died of natural causes - but I'm guessing that he suffocated to death.

Here's to you Robert Brooks. A great American.

Tuesday, July 25, 2006

Miss Universe 2006

Congratulations to Miss Puerto Rico, Zuleyka Rivera Mendoza - who was crowned Miss Universe 2006 this past Sunday. I never knew before why there were so many baseball players from Puerto Rico - but I now understand why I'd want to swing my stick around if I lived there.

Miss Puerto Rico beat out 87 fellow contestants vying for the title. And she certainly deserved to win. Just look at her. But she did have an unfair advantage: A) She's Latino, and B) She's 18 years old - the youngest contestant in the group.

Everything is pretty much perfectly firm and in the right place on a 18-year old Latino woman. I like to describe it as Absolutely Divine. Fans of porno call it Barely Legal.

Monday, July 24, 2006

Barf Bag Ads

The geniuses working in the American airline industry are on a roll. Bankruptcies, massive cost-cutting, and now -- putting ads on barf bags.

Starting this September, US Airways - a company that filed for bankruptcy just two years ago - will feature advertisements on their air sickness bags. You know your company is still fucked if you look to vomit for revenue opportunity.

According to an airline consulting group:
"Little things like that work ... Barf bags have a lot of shelf life -- people aren't barfing as much in planes as they used to."
After seeing the ads, I think barfing might make a come back.

I can't wait to see what the bags will actually advertise. It would make perfect sense to have an ad for Dramamine. But I'm thinking an ad for Paris Hilton's new album might be more appropriate.

Friday, July 21, 2006

Swallowing Tricks

A girl swallowing something is always a reason to celebrate. Especially if it's a 3 foot long sausage shaped ballon.

And no - it's not just a guy thing. Even the two girls sitting next to her are celebrating. Except the redhead on the right hasn't learned how to clap yet.

Thursday, July 20, 2006

Supporting NAFTA

Before it was passed back in 1994, a lot of people were against the North American Free Trade Agreement. Shame on them.

Just look at these lovely Miss Universe 2006 contestants: Miss Mexico - Priscilla Perales, Miss USA - Tara Conner, and Miss Canada - Alice Panikian.

Miss Canada is a little freakishly tall at 6'1" - but still - I would gladly trade bodily fluids with all of them.

Wednesday, July 19, 2006

Al Gore

Al Gore is on this week's cover of Entertainment Weekly. He's had quite a run in the past two years. Last year, he launched his own TV station Current, and this summer, his movie An inconvenient Truth has earned critical acclaim.

I admit, I enjoyed the movie - but how the hell has a guy who is most famous for losing somehow managed to remain relevant? It's pretty rare. I haven't seen Walter Mondale on the cover of anything in the past 30 years. Gore has indeed transformed himself into The Master of Losers - and if he doesn't run for President in '08, he should coach the Knicks.

Speaking of transformation - is that even Al Gore on the cover? I had no idea he was part Asian. He kinda looks like a cross between Steven Segal and that Malan guy on Project Runway 3.

Tuesday, July 18, 2006

One Red Paperclip

For those of you who haven't heard this story yet - Kyle MacDonald embarked on a mission last year to trade one red paperclip into a house. Last week, and 14 trades later, he finally reached his goal - successfully trading for a house on 503 Main Street in the town of Kipling, Saskatchewan.

The house is in Saskatchewan - so who knows if he's really better off - but it's still a pretty impressive feat and a masterful achievement of a high success to effort ratio.

It's no surprise that Kyle is Canadian. They are indeed notorious for achieving high levels of fame and success without much talent. Of course I'm making a huge generalization - there are plenty of talented Canadians. But Celine Dion alone is annoying enough to negate all of them.

Friday, July 14, 2006

Jackie Guerrido

UPDATE: It seems that many video sites have taken this down - but fortunately, the Lazy Asian isn't that lazy when it comes to finding dirty Jackie Guerrido upskirt clips. Here it is - make sure you watch until the end.

Here she is again - the best weather lady in the world. This video "technically" might not be safe for work - but it's really hard to tell. Someone casually looking over your shoulder won't notice anything out of the ordinary - plus there's no audio. You have to look very closely to see what's going on in this video. And if you're perverted enough, you'll see what I'm talking about.

Then again, I could be wrong. Maybe it's really obvious.

Wednesday, July 12, 2006

Another Hoff Video: Jump in My Car

It's been a while since I posted David Hasselhoff's super-sweet "Hooked on a Feeling" music video. Here's one of his latest videos proving that he's definitely hooked on something.

This time around, not only does he mock himself, but he also drags along his good old pal K.I.T.T. for a ride to humiliation. Man, I really feel sorry for the car. It used to be so cool. Now it just serves as a prop in Hasselhoff's continuous orgy of cheesiness.

Knight Rider: "A shadowy flight into a dangerous world of a man who feels no shame."

Miss Russia

Check out Miss Russia 2006 Anna Litvinova. At the end of the month, she'll be competing in the 2006 Miss Universe pageant - a.k.a Donald Trump's whore house tryouts.

She's 24 years old and 5 ft. 11 inches tall - which is pretty much average for a Russian woman. What is it about Russian women anyway? Every female under 25 is automatically hot. The only reason Maria Sharapova is special is because she plays tennis. I bet the Starbucks Barista in Moscow is just as hot.

Unfortunately, when you hear them talk things start to quickly go downhill. For some reason they all remind me of sketchy L.A. strippers who claim to be getting their real estate license. And I'm a sucker because I usually end up getting at least 3 dances.

Tuesday, July 11, 2006

World Cup of Beer

Italy may have won the World Cup of Football - but Australians can be proud of winning an even more significant World Cup - the World Cup of Beer.

The Beer World Cup consisted of a representative beer from each of the 32 World Cup nations. Judges awarded marks for taste, appearance, balance and drinkability. And in a strange coincidence, Australia battled Italy in the final - a rematch of the second round game in real World Cup. This time around however, Australia came out on top. Which really isn't surprising. Because when it comes to anything super-manly -- like sports that require a complete disregard for physical safety, Russell Crowe, or beer -- Australians usually win.

And since we're on the topic of Australians, I just wanted to say that Kylie Minogue is hot.

Monday, July 10, 2006

"Women's" Wimbledon Champion

The French might have lost the World Cup - but at least they can celebrate a victory in tennis. Over the weekend, France's Amelie Mauresmo defeated Belgium's Justine Henin-Hardenne in the Wimbledon Women's Final.

But the French tennis program is lazy. Because rather than training a woman to become champion, they've just disguised a man. And it's a pretty bad disguise. Just look at him. There's no way Mauresmo is a woman. Compare and contrast to the much more feminine physique of Henin-Hardenne. I guarantee you that Mauresmo has a penis. And those aren't breasts - they're pecs.

I'm Asian - so this might be an unfair comparison - but I'm sure she shaves more often than I do.

Friday, July 07, 2006

Paris Hilton Music Video: Version 2

No I'm not kidding. There's actually a second version of Paris Hilton's debut music video. I thought only really good songs deserved multiple music videos - but apparently songs sung by whores also qualify.

This one is basically the same as the first one - except she somehow finds herself in even more sexual situations. Plus, it's all in black and white to hide the redness of the rashes.

Thursday, July 06, 2006

Kenneth Lay

Kenneth Lay, founder of Enron, did the laziest thing possible to avoid jail - he died.

After his conviction in May for fraud and conspiracy in one of the biggest frauds in corporate history, Lay faced the possibility of life in prison -- he was actually scheduled to be sentenced on Oct. 23. But the prospect of being a bitch to some guy named "Mace" scared him so much that he had a heart attack instead. Little does he know, now he's going to be the eternal bitch of some dude named "Satan".

If you ask me, I bet he isn't dead at all. It's all a big cover-up. I bet he's living large with Tupac and Notorious B.I.G. on some remote island, drinking Kristal and releasing albums of "undiscovered" songs once every 3 years.