Friday, September 29, 2006

Paris Hilton: "Nothing in This World" video

yes, Yes, YES. Paris Hilton's second music video! Where do I begin with this one? There are the obvious things to make fun of - like the scenes in the school locker room that seem to imply that she's serviced the entire football team. Or the general horribleness of the song.

But there are also some seriously disturbing things about this video that shouldn't be taken lightly. Like the fact that she's basically whoring herself out to underage boys. Or how she's exploiting that whole teacher-student sexual abuse fad. If she was any classier, she'd be repulsive.

Regardless, just like with her first song, I'll probably roll up the windows in my car and sing along when it plays on the radio.

Thursday, September 28, 2006

Self-Parking Car

The new Lexus LS 460 has a nifty little feature for lazy drivers - it actually parks itself. Okay, not completely - but pretty much 80% of the way. Technology sometimes improves our lives - this is not one of those times.

At first, this might seem like a great idea - but it's really just another way to encourage shitty drivers to keep on driving. I'm pretty sure parking skill and driving skill are somewhat correlated. So if you can't handle parallel parking - then you really shouldn't be driving in a city.

The new Lexus won't be in showrooms until next month, but rumor has it that 90% of the pre-orders have been from Asian women. Oh snap.

Wednesday, September 27, 2006

Leo's Girlfriends

This is Israeli model Bar Refaeli at Milan Fashion Week. She's also Leonardo Dicaprio's new girlfriend. Man - Leo really dodged a bullet by dumping his old girlfriend Gieselle Bundchen, because her legs were just way too long and perfect. How could you possibly deal with that?

I wonder how Leo managed to snag this new girl. I'm sure it took at least 10 seconds. And since many Israelis are conservative, he might have actually had to say "Hi".

Tuesday, September 26, 2006

Sexy Back

What's with that Justin Timberlake song Sexy Back? I know he's a good singer - but dude, he's being pretty freaking lazy in that song. The lyrics are stupid, it's repetitive, plus his voice is so electronically altered that it doesn't even sound like a human is singing. Anyone could sing that song with the help of a computer. Okay, maybe not me - but I'm sure I could find some local karaoke barfly to do it.

I also wasn't aware that Sexy actually went away. From the time between his last album and this song, I've certainly been around. Ergo, sexy was also around. I rest my case.

Friday, September 22, 2006

European Designers

Some fashion designers are good, most are full of shit. Especially those pretentious European avant garde ones. Check out this latest creation from British designer Giles shown recently at London Fashion Week. It's a ball of shaggy hair. Perfect for those days when you want to look like a gigantic microphone.

It's from Giles' Spring/Summer collection 2007. Hello? I am the only one who sees what's wrong with this? Black is totally not a Summer color.

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

Forrest Whitaker's Lazy Eye

What's with Forrest Whitaker's lazy eye? Sometimes it looks like he has a lazy eye, sometimes it doesn't. I just can't tell. Regardless, he's managed to make a pretty nice career for himself. Even with that intermittent lazy eye.

Except for that Battlefield Earth movie.

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

Jackie Guerrido - Wardrobe Selection

I'll be the first to admit that I've been pretty damn lazy with my posts recently. But since no one ever clicks on my Google Adsense Ads for "Meet Ukrainian Women", or "Pole Dance Classes", I've had to concentrate on my real job that actually pays me.

Here's my go-to girl again - Jackie Guerrido. I really have nothing to add to this - other that it's a shame she had to ruin a perfectly good outfit with that white shirt underneath.

Friday, September 15, 2006

Deal or No Deal - Season 2

Last TV season, I already wrote about Deal or No Deal, the stupidest show on TV -- that I still occasionally watch for one reason only. And this season, NBC isn't being shy about promoting that reason. 26 reasons actually.

Check out this promo video. It features quite possibly, the worst song ever written. It's actually physically painful to listen to. But just like the show, the pain is somewhat tempered by the exploitation of attractive women who do nothing more than stand there with briefcases and smile. Vanna White must be proud.

Thursday, September 14, 2006

Whitney and Bobby

After 14 years of marriage, The Greatest Love of All - namely - the love between Whitney Houston and Bobby Brown, have finally decided to call it quits. And by love, I mean the mutual bond that can only found between two retarded crack addicts.

Their separation was of course inevitable - but I'm still struggling to figure out who was actually worse for who. Whitney - once an iconic pop star, can now be easily confused with a skinny bag lady/drug whore who hangs outside the 7-11. And Bobby - his prerogative was apparently to get fat and do nothing at all - except occasionally beating up that bag lady/drug whore outside the 7-11.

Whitney's lawyer hasn't yet revealed the actual grounds for divorce in the legal filing, but whatever it is, I'm sure it's the biggest understatement in divorce history.

Tuesday, September 12, 2006

More Japanese Game Shows

I've already mentioned before how seeing someone getting hit in the balls is a guaranteed form of entertainment. But leave it to the always inventive Japanese to take this fact literally and actually package the idea into the form of a game show. And I must admit - I laughed out loud.

I'm not too sure what the game show is about - but it looks like each person has to recite a line - and if they get it wrong, they get smacked in the nuts with some catapult-like device. I think they might actually be on to something. I would have done much better in English class if the safety of my balls was at stake.

Wednesday, September 06, 2006

Lazy Bear

Check out this black bear just chillin out at the zoo. The article I pulled this photo from didn't specify the bear's sex - but something tells me that it's probably a dude. I'm not a zoologist, but I bet that a male's tendency to sit back and assume a position that shamelessly involves a hand on the belly and spread legs probably spans across the entire animal kingdom. As does the affinity for blowjobs.

Tuesday, September 05, 2006

Amateur Pole Dancers

A few weeks ago, I wrote about Pole-A-Palozza - a competition for professional pole dancers. Some people found the competition a little humorous - but it really should be taken seriously. Pole dancing is a very specialized skill and should only be attempted by professionals - as evidenced by this amateur video of a typical club-rat trying to be sexy by using a pole as a dance prop. Her finishing move is quite entertaining - and probably a result of both stupidity and numerous Jager-Bombs.

Friday, September 01, 2006

E-Pink Slip

This week, RadioShack laid off approximately 400 workers. And in a super classy move, the workers were notifed by email.

Okay, I can completely understand RadioShack's need to cut staff. After all, those 400 people probably processed my phone number and address when I bought batteries. Plus, their stores just depress me in general. But come on - at least have the balls to look people in the eye when you fire them.

I used to think that the HR departments of all companies were equally incompetent - but apparently I was wrong. RadioShack's HR has somehow risen above the crowd of suckage.

If HR actually did their job right, they would fire people in person, and do that useless mandatory sexual harassment training via email.