Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Hillary Nutcracker

Kudos to the entrepreneur who came up with this obvious, yet brilliant idea. The Hillary Nutcracker. A nutcracker molded from the very woman that has cracked nuts all her life. The very thought of it sends shivers down Bill's spine.

Some guy is going to make a small mint from this. And some 8-year old girl in China has no idea why she's installing stainless steel blades inside the thighs of an action figure.

Monday, November 26, 2007

Using Turkey as a Scapegoat

Doesn't the Monday after Thanksgiving suck a big one? It's really hard to get any work done - after all, the odds are that you've spent a good deal of time traveling, sleeping in the same room with distant relatives, and politely laughing at your dirty uncle's perverted jokes. So I completely understand if you're a little slow this week.

But one of the most popular and laziest excuses that people use is blaming the Turkey. Poor old Turkey - really an unfortunate fowl - ugly, fat and slow - a prime target for hungry pilgrims and Indians. The Turkey has already had a tough history - does it also need to be blamed for making you tired and slow? Sure, it has that chemical called Tryptophan that causes drowsiness - a chemical that dumb people like to just say to show that they're somehow well versed in science. But I'll out-nerd you - and point out that the level of Tryptophan in Turkey is actually comparable to what's in other meats. So you're probably tired because you're a fat slob and ate a crap load of stuffing, potatoes and pie. Or you've spent a lot of energy avoiding your dirty uncle's advances.

Friday, November 02, 2007

2007 World Backside Championships

Now here's a contest Sir-Mix-A-Lot would be proud of. At the 2007 World Backside Championships held in Munich this past week, Bulgarian Kristina Dimitrova, 19, and Romanian Andrei Andrei, 24 were voted as having the best looking butts in the world.

It's a little surprising to me that they're both from the Balkans. I would have guessed that the best looking asses in the world would come from Los Angeles. But hey - at least now the Balkans can be known for something other than ethnic cleansing.

While Kristina's and Andrei's win is impressive, it is somewhat lazy to just rely on your backside for fame. If society let me rely on just my butt, I wouldn't have to work anymore. But that's not how the world works in real life. So I sit in an office all day to earn a living. On a chair. And not doing exercise. So my once champion-esque butt is now normal looking. What a shame ladies.