Tuesday, January 30, 2007

K-Fed's Superbowl Commercial

The poster boy for laziness actually has a Superbowl commercial coming up. You've got to hand it to K-Fed - he's actually finding a way to get that 16th minute of fame. And he's even stirring up a mini-controversy. Apparently, the National Restaurant Association (yes, that's actually a real association) is angry because they feel the commercial demeans restaurant workers, especially those who work in fast food. Come on NRA, if the main goal of your job is to up-sell customers to french fries, you have everything to be ashamed of.

Wednesday, January 24, 2007

Jeans Models

Check out these two jeans models. They're so lazy that they didn't even bother wearing anything on top. At first I was appalled. In fact, appalled to the point of arousal. But then I realized that these models are really just being super-efficient. After all, it's a waste of time and a distraction for these models to wear anything other than the article of clothing they're trying to highlight. I'm sticking around for the hat show.

Thursday, January 18, 2007

Self-Cleaning Underwear

For the true champions of laziness. Once this is commercially available, I'm ordering a dozen pair of boxers. But then again, I really only need one pair right?

Tuesday, January 16, 2007

Your Imagination (while looking at Lindsay Lohan)

Here's Lindsay Lohan in yet another see-through outfit. It really leaves nothing to the imagination - and thus, your imagination can afford to be lazy (clever huh?).

Just say no to sluts. It depraves the mind of creativity.

Thursday, January 11, 2007

Making fun of Celebrity Children

You would think that as a child of a celebrity, you'd have a pretty sweet life - money, fame, good genes and good looks. And it really would be pretty sweet - if it wasn't for the fact that celebrities give their kids some of the most ridiculous names ever fathomed. Former model/Quasi-celebrity Brooke Burke just had a daughter yesterday, and her name is Heaven Rain - which pretty much seals her fate as a backup dancer, stripper, or pornstar (specializing in the squirting genre).

Here are some other recent examples of children who will hate their parents forever:

Moon Unit (Frank and Gail Zappa)
Fifi Trixibelle (Paula Yates and Bob Geldof)
Pilot Inspektor (Jason Lee and Beth Riesgraf)
Apple (Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin)
Audio Science (Shannyn Sossamon and Dallas Clayton)
Rumer Glenn, Tallulah Belle and Scout LaRue (Bruce Willis and Demi Moore)
Diezel and Denim (Toni Braxton and Keri Lewis)
Tiger Lily Heavenly Hirani (Paula Yates and Michael Hutchence)
Coco (Courtney Cox and David Arquette)
Romeo (Victoria and David Beckham)
Tu Morrow (Rob Morrow and Debbon Ayre) (seriously)

Tuesday, January 09, 2007

Words that end in "dash"

There are some weird words in the English language. But I find words that end in "dash" particularly strange. Okay, there aren't that many of them - I can only think of two off the top of my head: "Balderdash", and "Haberdasher" (that last one almost ends in dash).

Why do these words exist? And who actually uses them anymore? They both sound like words that are too fancy for what they really mean.

Besides being a classic boardgame by Mattel, the word "Balderdash" actually means "nonsense". So instead of saying "that's a load of shit", you could alternatively say "that's balderdash!" You'd get strange looks, but you'd sound like a very smart, pompous guy.

And a "Haberdasher" is someone who sells men's clothing. So rather than telling someone you work in the men's department at Macy's for $9 an hour, you could call yourself a Haberdasher instead. Once again, you'd get strange looks. And you'd sound more gay than smart.

In conclusion, you only use these words if you want to sound like a pompous gay smart-ass.

Friday, January 05, 2007

Jessica Alba's Ass

In case you can't tell, that's Jessica Alba with her boyfriend. I have no idea who he is. But even if I make the far-fetched assumption that he isn't a douchebag, no one deserves to be with an ass that perfect. That's an ass worthy of daily worship. 3 times a day if I was still a teenager.

Wednesday, January 03, 2007

Dick in a Box

Wow - I've really been living up to this blog's title. I took a few weeks off to visit the homeland and find more of my people. There are apparently over 1 billion of them. Crazy huh?

Anyway, my mind is still recovering from sensory overload in Asia (a plethora of short skirts and f-me boots) - so I'm going to continue my laziness by posting a video. But it's a pretty awesome video. Because singing about putting genitalia in a box while looking like Color Me Badd is always funny.