Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Rock, Paper, Scissors

When I was a kid, I always dreamed about playing a major league sport. That dream quickly faded when I developed self-awareness and realized I was Asian. So I studied engineering.

But now my dream has been rekindled - with the discovery of the USARPS - the United States of America Rock, Paper, Scissors League. Yes, that's right. Armed with the knowledge of three hand symbols, and the ability to choose one of them - I too can be a contender.

This is no joke. The USARPS is a serious league - and believe it or not, there IS a strategy. For example, females open with scissors 60% of the time, while males tend to open with rock. Probably because men like to smash things, while women like to cut up and throw away your dreams.

A tournament is held in Vegas every year and the winner gets $50,000. This year, the winner will also get a free trip to Beijing, where he/she will compete in the inaugural International Rock Paper Scissors Federation Championship held simultaneously with the Olympics. But the money and fame must pale in comparison with the bragging rights afforded to the winner - because as everyone knows, winning ANYTHING via rock, paper, scissors is one of the best feelings in the world. The sheer joy of winning something with just a hand symbol will always trump the over-rated satisfaction of accomplishing something through hard work. And while other athletes train for years and risk injury, RPS players sit on the couch and worry about hangnails.

I've already signed up.


At 3:42 PM, Anonymous annie said...

i'm signing up too! i'm going to kic k your ass lazy! and i'm going to open with scissors the entire time :)


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