Mary Gamarra

Wow, it looks like the Lazy Asian's favorite weather girl Jackie Guerrido has a little competition. Her name is Mary Gamarra - and she's on Telemundo.

For some reason, everytime I watch this clip, I feel like her pimp is going to beat me up for not paying.

Honorary Oscars

I watched the 8-hour long Academy Awards show last night. As usual, the Academy gave someone an "Honorary Oscar" - and this year it went to Ennio Morricone, a legendary Italian composer famous for his film scores. He was nominated 5 times previously and didn't win once.

The Academy might think it's doing something honorary by giving out these Honorary Oscars, but we all know that it's really the Academy's half-assed way of saying "sorry we fucked up". Honorary Oscars are always awarded very late in someone's career for past accomplishments that the Academy failed to recognize - and somehow, 40 years of oversight are supposed to be forgiven by one measly statue. That's total bullshit. Imagine giving an 80 year-old man who's never had sex with a hot woman in his life, a Victoria's Secret model for one night. The reward just isn't as sweet when you can't get a hard-on without popping a pill.

24's Counter Terrorism Unit

I'm a huge fan of the show 24 (Mondays, 9/8 C on FOX - since they obviously need more promotion). But one thing is starting to grind my gears - and it's CTU - the Counter-Terrorism-Unit that Jack Bauer works for.

During the first 2 seasons, CTU didn't bother me that much, but now that we're into the 6th season - and the 6th day that Los Angeles is under attack by yes, Terrorists - I think it's pretty obvious that Counter-Terrorism-Unit is doing a pretty shitty job. Jack Bauer is more of a band-aid solution to save the world. If CTU did their job right in the first place, terrorists with suitcase nukes, stolen identities, or bio-chemical warfare shouldn't even be in the country.

People complained about the CIA after 9/11 - and there was only one 9/11. Imagine if there were six? I'm pretty sure that there would be a shitstorm of change at the CIA. But if you compare CTU in season 1, with CTU in season 6, it looks pretty much the same. Sure, they've had some turnover of personnel, but that's because they died. At the hands of terrorists.

iPod Bikini

Check out this picture of model Marisa Miller (one of my favorites) from the latest Sports Illustrated Swimsuit issue. That's an iPod bikini she's wearing - keeping with the "music" theme of this year's issue. It's a pretty lazy concept for a bikini - but this time around, I'll forgive her. Next time around, I'll insist that she use a Nano instead.

Happy Valentine's Day

If I had a girlfriend, I'd buy her this for Valentine's Day. Maybe that's why I don't have a girlfriend.

And because I'm a nice guy, I'd probably buy her something for her top as well. Like a necklace.

Lazy Toilet

Check out this awesome toilet. It's Roto-Rooter's "Pimped Out John". Special features include an iPod, Xbox, LCD TV, a fridge, a cycling exercise machine -- and an endless case of hemorrhoids.

According to Roto-Rooter, the toilet is designed to "fulfill all your wildest bathroom dreams." It's pretty obvious that the people at Roto-Rooter don't watch much porno - because this doesn't even come close to what I can dream up.

Self-Titled Albums

Self-titled albums are stupid. Not only are they lazy, but completely pretentious. Okay - if you've had a long, well-regarded career, perhaps you can get away with it. Like The Beatles, or Bob Dylan. But Chris fucking Daughtry? His debut album is self-titled - and it's also the most repulsive type of self-titled album because he just uses his last-name.

Seriously Chris - are you telling me that you couldn't think of anything better than your own last-name? And just to make it clear to everyone that "Daughtry" is indeed your last-name, you're actually standing below it. Dude, you owe your fame to a freaking reality show - you don't deserve to be known on a last-name basis.

D-A-U-G-H-T-R-Y

If you replace the "A" with an "O", replace the "G" with a "C", and replace the "TRY" with an "E", you get D-O-U-C-H-E. Coincidence?