Penis Painting

Australian artist Tim Patch is too lazy to buy brushes and paint like a normal person. So he uses his penis instead. Yeah, that's right, his schlong. He calls himself Pricasso. How cute.

I'm not sure if he paints only when he's erect - or also when he's flaccid - but I'm sure it makes a difference. And if he needs to be erect, how does he keep it that way? Viagra? Or does he just only paint pictures of Jessica Alba?

Actually, this guy isn't that original. I considered painting with my dick a couple of years ago too. Billboards though.

J-Lo's Baby Photos

Jennifer Lopez and her significantly less attractive husband have reportedly struck a deal with People magazine for rights to publish photos of their twins for $6 million. Are you fucking kidding me? That's more obscene than J-Lo's ass.

This is complete bullshit - celebrities are regularly getting millions of dollars for their baby photos. Jamie Lynn Spears will get $1 million from OK! magazine when she reaches white-trash motherhood, Christina Aguilera made $1.5 million from People for her baby shots, and Angelina and Brad made a whopping $4 million for pictures of their daughter Shiloh - four times more than Jamie Lynn's spawn because Shiloh is probably four times more attractive.

Meanwhile - low income families across America can't even afford decent healthcare - and they can barely afford to take their kids to Sears portrait studio and get pictures taken by some douchebag with a hand puppet.

Have I suddenly become more socially responsible and an advocate for change? Maybe. Or maybe not because I'd still pay $6 million to see J-Lo's twins < wink, wink >

Hail Hillary!

I do not like Hillary. She really grinds my gears. And I will attempt to tarnish her image by taking a perfectly innocent photo out of context. Mien Führer!

Valentine's Day

Happy Valentines Day! For the first time in the 2 year history of The Lazy Asian, The Lazy Asian has somehow finagled himself a Valentine! Of course, I still think that Valentine's Day is an evil holiday created by the corporate geniuses at Victoria's Secret, The Vermont Teddy Bear Company, and effing Pajama-Gram - but having someone else to share this bullshit holiday with makes the bullshit a little sweeter.

Does this mean that I won't be writing about boobies anymore? Relax! My boobie posts will be bigger and more bountiful than ever!

If you're feeling lonely today - and you're especially lazy - you too can find yourself a Valentine! Just Google the words "Russian" and "mail order" and you'll be set for life. Or at least until she gets citizenship and steals all your money.

2008 Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Cover

The anticipation is finally over. Today, Sports Illustrated unveiled the cover for their annual Swimsuit issue. Marisa Miller is the featured model - and she's a favorite of The Lazy Asian - mainly for two big reasons: all natural beauty, and the fact that she's a surfer. Actually, four reasons. The two I just mentioned, plus her sun-kissed blond hair, and freckled skin. Actually, six reasons. The four I just mentioned, plus her upbeat personality and her love of sports.

Oh - and I also admire her all natural fun-pillows. Motorboat anyone?

To all the 17-year old and under boys everywhere who can legally purchase this magazine - let the spanking begin.