Rosie O'Donnell is a Fat Cow

What a fucking bitch.

I'm Asian - so it's okay for me to make fun of Asians. That's the accepted rule. But Rosie is a fat cow, so she should only be allowed to make fun of cows.

See you next Tuesday, Rosie.

Red Bows on Cars

Every year around this time, Lexus "December to Remember" commercials start airing on TV -- and the commercials always feature an attractive husband giving his attractive wife a car as a Christmas present. And the car always has stupid gigantic red bow on it.

Does anyone actually do this? Anyone normal? Not only do you have to be pretty rich to buy a car as a present, but you also have to be kind of a douche to want to put a big bow on it.

And if you think about it - it's also a pretty damn lazy way to wrap a present. The bow really doesn't do a good job and hiding what the present actually is - which is half the fun of getting a present in the first place. I would have been pissed at my mom if she just put a bow on Optimus Prime without wrapping the box.

If you've got enough money to buy a Lexus as a present, you should have enough money to wrap it properly.

Rocky Balboa

I don't know what's wrong with me, but for some reason I want to watch this. It's obvious Stallone is just milking the franchise one last time to pay for more botox. But still...at least he's not Governor of California.

Melissa Theuriau...again

Yes, it's lovely Melissa again. Maybe she's reporting on politics, or the stock market, or even a new black plague epidemic - either way, I still have a smile on my face.

And how about that hair style? There's something mysteriously alluring about a woman with her hair up. I don't know why. Maybe it's because it allows her to perform certain actions easier in certain positions... like reporting the news while sitting down. That's all. You sicko.

98 Cent Stores

The other day I drove past a 98 Cent store. No, not a 99 Cent store - that would be boring - but a 98 Cent store. That's right, the whole concept of these stores is to under-sell the competition by 1 cent. Because saving that one penny can sometimes really add up -- after you've bought 10,000 things.

I bet the 99 Cent stores are super pissed. 99 Cent stores probably thought they had come up with something genius when they priced their items 1 cent lower than Dollar Stores. They probably thought that they'd own the market segment forever.

So to all you 98 Cent Stores out there - learn from the mistakes of your competition. Today, you may be the innovators of low priced retail, but you better watch out because someone else might come up with a better idea.