Wednesday, December 05, 2007

Destroyer of Dreams

Anders Larsson of the engineering consultancy Sweco has decided to analyze the travel pattern of Santa Claus during Christmas. According to Larsson:
Between Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, Santa Claus's route around the planet includes stops at 2.5 billion homes, assuming that children of all religions receive a present from the jolly man in the red suit...We estimated that there are 48 people per square kilometer (120 per square mile) on Earth, and 20 metres (66 feet) between each home. So if Santa leaves from Kyrgyzstan and travels against the Earth's rotation he has 48 hours to deliver all the presents...He has 34 microseconds at each stop to slide down the chimney, drop off the presents, nibble on his cookies and milk and hop back on his sleigh.

Man, this Larsson guy really is an asshole. With his fancy math, he's basically just proved to kids around the world that Santa Claus doesn't exist. Because every kid knows that 34 microseconds is pretty unrealistic for Santa to do all that stuff - even with magical powers. And where the hell is Kyrgyzstan anyway? Sounds like it might be close to where Borat lives. I actually Googled it and it's nowhere near the North Pole.

Why did this dude Larsson have to do this? To show off? Well, I'm not impressed at all. I don't think that destroying the dreams of millions of kids around the world is something to brag about. What's next for him? Mathematically prove that the tooth-fairy doesn't exist? That's complete bullshit. Because my mom totally exists.


At 11:05 PM, Blogger SadieMBeagle said...

But Santa doesn't stop at the homes of naughty kids. So say 99 out of 100 kids are naughty... does that help?

At 11:05 PM, Blogger SadieMBeagle said...

PS - OMG, you're alive!?


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