Wes Littleton

I'm not much of a baseball fan - I think it's a ridiculously boring sport played by fat people - and it's something I don't ever think about unless I'm trying to save myself from embarrassment during a massage. But this week, history was made when the Texas Rangers beat the Baltimore Orioles by a score of 30-3 - which is a crapload of runs. To put this into perspective for people not familiar with baseball, that's like Paris Hilton giving 300 blowjobs in one night.

Besides the fact that this game featured the most number of runs scored in a baseball game since 1897 - it also featured one of the laziest sports achievements in history - Pitcher Wes Littleton actually earned a Save. For those of you not familiar with baseball, a Save is an important statistic for relief pitchers in baseball - kinda like how many venereal diseases Paris Hilton has.

So by pitching three innings and protecting an enormous 27-run lead - this dude actually earned something. That's like scoring with Paris Hilton using a date rape drug.

Yes, I've managed to connect Wes Littleton to Paris Hilton three times in this article. Because odds are, they've done it.