Paris and Larry Combined

History was made last night when the greatest gathering of uselessness took place. Paris Hilton was interviewed by Larry King - Paris' first interview since being released from jail.

I'm going to put Paris aside for now since that's a little too easy. But what's the deal with Larry King? Why does he get the exclusive interview? Why is he famous and how is he relevant? Back when I was a kid, and Larry King was 80, I asked myself these very questions thinking that as I got older, I would begin to understand what his appeal was - the same way that you start to like sushi.

Toro is now tasty to me, but Larry King is still just an old hunchback who sits in front of that cheesy world map made up of shiny dots. There's no way his show still makes money for CNN. The only possible explanation is that he has some grainy photos of Ted Turner getting a blowjob by a transvestite prostitute back from when they used to party together in the 1930's.