Poor Pluto

Yesterday, The International Astronomical Union declared that Pluto isn't really a planet. That's just crazy. It's been a planet for the past 76 years - how can some myseterious organization suddenly just make a declaration that it's not. We need to put this power to better use and make some better declarations

1. Uranus isn't off limits
2. Sara Jessica Parker isn't attractive
   
3. Miller Lite is less filling
   
4. Paris Hilton isn't talented
   
5. Tom Cruise is gay
6. Football is America's sport
   
7. Brunettes
8. That stripper really does like me