Masturbate-A-Thon

May is a busy month for holidays - Cinco De Mayo, Memorial Day, and Mother's Day. But here's a celebration your mother would really be proud of - May is also National Masturbation Month. I'm not sure why they had to put aside a single month - after all, it's pretty much a year-round thing for me anyway. But I do appreciate the thought. It helps me deal with the shame.

The flagship event of National Jerk-Off Month is the Masturbate-A-Thon, which took place at various cities across the country this past weekend. Participants were sponsored for each minute of masturbation, raising money for the Center for Sex and Culture, a nonprofit group. Yeah I know, a minute is pretty long. But what I lack in endurance, I can make up in volume.

This has got to be one of the awesomest ideas ever. Usually charity involves sacrifice - something that takes effort - not something you're happily doing once a day anyway (or three times a day if your roommate is out of town). Why not apply this fund raising technique to other causes? The world would be a much stickier, but better place. Imagine - masturbation to help find a cure for blindness rather than cause it. I'm totally winning that Nobel Peace Prize.