Wednesday, May 10, 2006

Britney Spears' Fertility

Proving that the fertility gods have a sick sense of humor, Britney Spears is pregnant once again. After months of speculation, the pop star confirmed to David Letterman Tuesday that she is expecting her second child with her aspiring rapper husband, Kevin Federline.

While fully qualified couples all across America struggle to have children, these two idiots are on their way to procreating enough douchebags and douchebaggettes to support the entire trucker hat industry for the next 20 years.

Of course, abortion isn't an option since Britney's natural habitat is within the Red States - but Federline on the other hand needs to be sterilized immediately. I'm not kidding. It needs to be a law. This may be Britney's second child, but it's already K-Fed's FOURTH. Forget the trade deficit, this guy has the potential to single-handedly ruin our next generation's competitiveness in the global economy. God help us all.

7 Comments:

At 8:30 AM, Blogger odderie said...

K.Fed. has super-sperm. Considering the state of his "rapping," I say "Sterilization, STAT!"

 
At 9:53 AM, Blogger Where Productivity Goes to Die said...

Excellent arguments for eugenics...Here I was hoping she was just getting fat. Oh well.

 
At 11:51 AM, Anonymous Hermosa Beach Drunks said...

Isn't it amazing to think that in a bizarro universe where events are only slightly off, Britney and K-Fed would live off welfare in a trailer park with 9 kids? Seriously, think about it. The only thing that really diverged Britney from her true destiny was a music video director's decision to dress underage Britney in a school girl outfit for the "...Baby One More Time" video (which really doesn't have anything to do with private education). Without that short plaid skirt...the world would have been very different...

 
At 1:56 PM, Anonymous naomi said...

Hermosa - very very good point. But if it wasn't her, it would be someone else in that school girl outfit.

 
At 3:41 PM, Anonymous Chanakin said...

2 down, 6 more to go.

 
At 4:27 PM, Blogger Cibbuano said...

she's not going to be thin again, is she?

I love K-Fed, though... without him, all the other celebrities would seem weird... he lowers the bar for everyone!

 
At 3:04 PM, Blogger ProudMary said...

douchebaggettes..? Genius. If they learn French, are they then "douchebaguettes", instead?

No, seriously-- these are all great points-- but I have to speak out against sterilizing k-fed! He should be preserved somewhere in a lab. If I ever have fertility problems, at least I'll know his swimmers can put me right.

-- On second thought: ok, you're right. Put the man-beast down!!

 

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