Tuesday, April 18, 2006

Water Cooler Bastard

I work in an office. Yes, I know it's sad. There's a water cooler in my office and approximately three times a week, this water cooler gets empty. Two out of the three times - I have to change it.

If you consider how many people work in my office and the human body's required daily intake of liquids, the probability of me having to change the water tank 66% of the time is less than 1.33%. That's not based by any statistical analysis. It's just a feeling I have. Regardless, this means that there are several lazy bastards out there who see an empty tank and do nothing. In fact, they're so effing lazy that they would rather be thristy a little bit longer than lift a tank of water.

Of course, I excuse all females from water duty because I'm a gentleman. Except for Rosie O'Donnell. Because she could beat me up. But to all you lazy guys in my office - I'm going to eventually find out who you are. And when I do, I swear I'll never buy Girl Scout Cookies from your daughter ever again.

I don't have proof yet - I bet it's some dude in Accounts Receivable. Because it's always some dude in Accounts Receivable. Those crazy guys.


At 2:03 PM, Anonymous Chanakin said...

Pick up the new jug, uncap it, pour yourself a glass of water, recap it, and set it back on the floor.

At 5:29 PM, Anonymous ProudMary said...

i think you're missing the point.
No one wants to go thirsty as opposed to changing the water-- what we do is, we walk down to the OTHER water cooler so as to:
a) work some cardio into the day
maximizing caloric burn
rendering ourselves hot enough that some poor unsuspecting schmoe takes it on himself to keep us hydrated.
Cheers. You've been schmoe'd!

At 8:36 PM, Anonymous cibbuano said...

I say don't change it. See how long you can go without changing it. See who cracks first!

At 10:11 AM, Anonymous heartinsanfrancisco said...

Funny! I've never heard shmoe used as a verb before. No telling where this will lead.


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