White Kung-Fu Stars

White kung-fu stars kind of suck. Compared to their Chinese counterparts, they fight like little girls. That's right Chuck Norris -- I called you a girl. Whatcha gonna do about it tough guy? Arrest me in your gay Walker, Texas Ranger uniform?

Hollywood takes any white guy that comes along who can break a piece of plywood and makes him into a star. A Chinese guy, on the other hand, has to try a lot harder to stand-out. Because ALL Chinese people know kung-fu. According to my 5th grade classmates - that's a scientific fact.

Think about the most famous Chinese kung-fu stars and their accomplishments. Bruce Lee revolutionized the kung-fu genre by developing his own martial arts system, Jackie Chan gained notoriety by doing his own insane stunts, and Jet Li rose to fame by winning 15 Chinese National Championships. Steven Segal put his hair in a lame ponytail, gained weight, and squinted like a douchebag.

Norris, Segal, Macchio - they all had it easy because they were white. The garbage man in Beijing who took out Jet Li's trash could probably kick ALL their asses. That's right Ralph Macchio -- I'm totally calling you out. Whatcha gonna do about it tough guy? Wax my car?