Spring Break

It's the fourth week of March - which means that we're right smack in the middle of America's greatest contribution to the Mexican tourism industry - otherwise known as Spring Break. It also means that I've been spending my productive Saturday afternoons watching the 5-hour marathon of MTV Spring Break '06 - otherwise known as the prequel to every single Girls Gone Wild video.

Which brings me to my very obvious yet important revelation to all college males: Unless you roll with George Clooney or grow up to be the Sultan of Brunei, things will NEVER get easier. I bet you're thinking - whatever man, the grass is always greener on the other side. No it isn't. Because there is no grass on my side. Sure, if I'm lucky, a few scattered bushes pop up every 6 to 9 months, but most of the time my lawn has the vegetation of a parking lot.

Never again in your life, will you have such an abundant selection of hot girls from colleges named "______ State". And the only qualification required to hook-up with them is either A) understanding the physics behind a body shot, B) being able to grind them from behind in a squatted position, or C) being around. If you're a senior, it's also the last time you'll be able hook-up with an 18-something-year-old and not get labeled "creepy".

Cherish these moments and remember them forever. If you have a bad memory, videotape them. If you have good memory, videotape them anyway because you'll never know when your memory will fade. Plus I know a guy in Chatsworth that'll pay top dollar.