Joan and Melissa Rivers

I live in Los Angeles - so even though the Academy Awards ended two days ago, people in this town are still stroking themselves off over the show. Nobody more so than the most irrelevant people in the world - those who make a living by criticizing red-carpet fashion.

The most notorious of these society deadweights are Joan Rivers - living proof that aliens exist - and Melissa Rivers - living proof that aliens can reproduce. The most annoying mother/daughter combination in the history of mothers and daughters somehow scammed their way to being the ultimate source for Oscar fashion editorial. Pretty amazing considering that the only piece of clothing they would both look good in is a ski-mask. Ouch - that was mean. But seriously, when you reach a certain level of obnoxiousness, etiquette really isn't an issue.

For the sake of humanity, I hope they hurry up with their gig and immediately return to their glass house - where they'll regress back to larvae form, hibernate in their cocoons, and unfortunately re-emerge after a 12-month gestation period.