Gillette Razors

In keeping up with tradition, the geniuses at the Gillette Company have released yet another "revolutionary" razor blade - the Gillette FUSION - proving once again that if you have a monopoly on an entire market, your product development team can afford to be ridiculous.

This latest offering features 5 eff-ing blades - an obvious petty attempt to upstage their closest competitor Schick, whose Quattro razor only has 4 blades. Apparently, the razor blade industry is run by two jealous girlfriends.

And I wonder who came up with the awesome name FUSION? It follows past products equally awesomely named SENSOR, SENSOR EXCEL, MACH 3, and MACH 3 TURBO. I called up Gillette to inquire and discovered that an over-zealous, unintentionally funny Japanese translator was hired as VP of razor naming.

Honestly, I'm doing just fine with my current 3-blade system. But I know that eventually, I'll give in to their marketing and buy the surprisingly affordable Fusion for just $7.99. Once I try it for the first time, I probably won't be able to live without it - forcing me to buy $25 blades for the next 5 years until the 7-blade Gillette NINJA comes out with a built-in MP3 player. Kudos to Gillette: the crack dealers of men's grooming.