Monday, March 13, 2006

Gillette Razors

In keeping up with tradition, the geniuses at the Gillette Company have released yet another "revolutionary" razor blade - the Gillette FUSION - proving once again that if you have a monopoly on an entire market, your product development team can afford to be ridiculous.

This latest offering features 5 eff-ing blades - an obvious petty attempt to upstage their closest competitor Schick, whose Quattro razor only has 4 blades. Apparently, the razor blade industry is run by two jealous girlfriends.

And I wonder who came up with the awesome name FUSION? It follows past products equally awesomely named SENSOR, SENSOR EXCEL, MACH 3, and MACH 3 TURBO. I called up Gillette to inquire and discovered that an over-zealous, unintentionally funny Japanese translator was hired as VP of razor naming.

Honestly, I'm doing just fine with my current 3-blade system. But I know that eventually, I'll give in to their marketing and buy the surprisingly affordable Fusion for just $7.99. Once I try it for the first time, I probably won't be able to live without it - forcing me to buy $25 blades for the next 5 years until the 7-blade Gillette NINJA comes out with a built-in MP3 player. Kudos to Gillette: the crack dealers of men's grooming.


At 8:18 AM, Blogger SadieMBeagle said...

Dood, the FUSION makes me want to come in my panties... I'm going to go out and buy one right now! Although now that you mention it, the NINJA sounds like a good marketing move too.

At 2:00 PM, Blogger ProudMary said...

Seriously. What IS it w/ razor companies? I've thought about this several times before. (Sadly.) The amount of dollars and research and time put towards... building a better blade? It's staggering to me. Simply staggering.

At 6:29 PM, Anonymous hermosa beach drunks said...

I sense the end game is near. Gillette has cleverly come up with naming conventions that make no sense except that they sound awesome to a 13 y/o boy and use an odd number of blades (I realize that technically the FUSION has 6 blades, but really it's a 5-bladed razor with a bonus 1-blade razor on the back). Schick can respond with a true 6-bladed razor, but what would they call it?!? To build upon the QUATTRO brand, it would need to be the Schick SEI (Italian for "six"). Could there be no more a lamer name for a razor? Schick is clearly pigeon-holed unless it's willing to up the ante with the Schick QUATRROCENTO - yes, 400 blades on one razor! Well played, Gillette...well played indeed.

At 6:42 PM, Anonymous Chanakin said...


I have an M3 myself. Gillette's coming out with the Venus Vibrance (an M3 version for women).

You can put 2 and 2 together yourself on this one.

At 2:23 PM, Blogger Soze said...


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