FHM's Sexiest Women Poll

In FHM Magazine's annual "100 Sexist Women in the World" poll, Scarlett Johansson took the top spot - rising from 9th place last year. And what did the lovely Ms. Johansson do over the past year to leapfrog 8 other spank-worthy candidates and claim the ultimate rank in sexiness? With her perfect curves, husky voice, and sultry DSL's (i'm not talking about broadband) -- absolutely nothing at all.

No matter how hard you try, you just can't work at being that sexy. You have to be born with it - like a superhero born with mutant powers. In Scarlett's case, she can shoot deadly bolts of dirty thoughts from her eyes, fingers, and two other key bodily regions.

Just look at her in that red dress. Now that's a REAL woman. She's perfect - just enough meat on her to kick Mary-Kate Olsen's ass and for me to play with.

In response to her number-one ranking, Scarlett released the following statement:

"One of the best things for a woman to hear is that she is sexy ... I'd like to thank FHM's readers for the huge compliment."

I would like to personally thank Ms. Johansson for using the word "huge" in her statement. You've just saved me the trouble of making any further sexual innuendo.