Calzones

Do Calzones really deserve to be a separate type of food? Aren't they just glorifed Hot Pockets? What a complete scam. At least Hot Pockets come with that awesome microwave-cripsing sleeve.

If you think about it, Italians are pretty damn lazy when it comes to inventing food. The bastards stole pasta from the Chinese - and if that wasn't bad enough, they then cut it into a million different shapes and convinced the world that each one was special by giving them fancy names ending in "i". And the Calzone? They basically folded a pizza in half and sealed the edges - just like how the Mexicans turned a soft taco into a burrito. But I won't call Mexicans lazy because that's just racist. Italians on the other hand - lazy-ass mofos.

Great, now I'm going to get gunned down by the Mafia.