Bush's Slogan Writer

Notice how President Bush likes to make speeches in front of really big signs? These signs usually have some slogan. And these slogans are usually pretty retarded:

- Plan For Victory

- Mission Accomplished

First, why does there seem to be a constant need for the Bush Administration to use slogans to explain their policies? Second, why do their policies sound like Steven Segal movies?

And imagine - there's a dude out there who passed 4th grade English that actually comes up with this shit. How difficult could the job be? I did some research and discovered that the slogans actually have to adhere to some strict guidelines set by the President himself: A) Make sure they sound decisive, B) Make sure they're under 5 syllables for ease of pronunciation, and C) lie.

If I was a Presidential slogan writer, I'd scrap the generic and ambiguous language and try to connect more with the youth of today by incorporating acronyms and emoticons. Some examples:

- Vision 4 2morrow
- Gaining Respect Around the World (LOL)
- IMHO: Flat Taxes for the Future
- I Did Not Have Sexual Relations ;-)