Valentine's Day

Happy Valentine's Day! A day when no guy can afford to be lazy - and when all the ladies can just sit back, relax, and enjoy being showered with flowers, chocolates, and gifts - perhaps a Pajama-Gram. Or even a Vermont Teddy Bear. Or my favorite when I feel like splurging - a homemade coupon for a free backrub.

Maybe I'm guilty of stereotyping the male and female roles on this holiday - but then again, if we couldn't stereotype the sexes, then mediocre stand-up comedians would have nothing left to talk about. Well - I guess Black comedians could still talk about how White people can't dance. And Latino comedians could still talk about how loco gringos are. And Asian comedians could still talk about how much better they are at math than everybody else.

On second thought - stereotyping is pretty fun and easy. So gentleman, tonight when you're late for your Valentine's dinner because you refused to ask for directions, you're going to be in really deep shit because your woman is already pissed off for absolutely no reason at all. And if you want any hope of making her happy again, make sure you drop by Kay Jewelers and buy a diamond. Because a Diamond is Forever. And every kiss begins with Kay.