The Third Bobsledder

The Olympic event I've been waiting for finally starts tomorrow - the exciting 4-Man Bobsled, or as the bourgeois call it - Bobsleigh. Maybe this will be the event that finally boosts NBC's dismal TV ratings. And maybe Brian Boitano likes girls.

Of all the Winter Olympic events - this is the one that I actually have a shot at competing in. As long as I'm the Third Bobsledder. Because as the 3rd dude in the sled, you really don't have to do a thing. Seriously. The first guy drives the sled, the second guy backs up the first guy, and the last guy stops the sled at the end. The third guy - well, he just sits in the middle. Sure, he has to run along with everyone at the beginning - but with 2 guys in front, and 1 guy in back - he's pretty much covered. He's really more of a weight than an athlete. And if the team makes it to the podium, they ALL get a medal - even that 3rd guy in the middle who just came along for the ride.

The Third Bobsledder: a true champion of freeloading. If he wasn't in a bobsled, he'd be cheating the welfare system.