Nick Lachey

Nick Lachey filed papers in L.A. Superior Court last week asking for the right to request spousal support from Jessica Simpson. This guy has got to be a medical marvel because apparently, he's completely missing the gene for pride.

In maintaining her track record of intelligence, Jessica did not request a pre-nup - meaning that Nick could be entitled to half of Jessica's earnings, which was a reportedly $35 million last year. And in a completely classy move, Nick is also requesting that Jessica return miscellaneous jewelry and other personal effects he gave her throughout their marriage.

When they announced their split back in November, the couple released this official statement:

"After three years of marriage, and careful thought and consideration, we have decided to part ways...This is the mutual decision of two people with an enormous amount of respect and admiration for each other..."

How lovely. And nothing says respect and admiration more than b*tch, give me those earrings back.

If Mr. 98 Degrees of Douche-nheit actually manages to cash out, he'll become the greatest scrub of all time. He was married to Jessica for just 3 years -- that's shorter than most employee-stock option vesting schedules. And how hard could being Jessica Simpson's husband really be? I'm sure it sucked being constantly known as Mr. Simpson, but it's nothing compared to what her GED tutor must have endured.