Tuesday, February 28, 2006


Quick - name a brand of frozen pizza. Crap - the title of this post probably already gave the answer away. But I bet you would have said DiGiorno anyway. Don't ask me how I know. I just know.

DiGiorno owes much of its success to its famous slogan: "It's not Delivery ... It's DiGiorno." Have you actually tried DiGiorno? Unless you've lost your tastebuds in a tragic hotpocket accident, I'm fairly certain you can tell it's not even close to delivery. But for some reason, they still manage to get away with lying in their slogan. Okay - I guess they're not technically lying. They're actually right - it really isn't delivery. And for all I know, DiGiorno could be Italian for shit. So technically, it's a logically accurate slogan. And technically, it also says absolutely nothing.

My life would be so much easier if I could apply the same meaningless logic to successfully advertise myself. I'd head down to Florida for spring training, and tell the hottest FSU sorority girl I could find: "I'm not a professional ballplayer .... I'm an Asian Mathalete" - and she'd immediately eat my pepperoni. And by pepperoni, I mean a tasty pepperoni casserole I'll cook for her when she comes to my place for dinner and pleasant conversation. Because I'd really like to get to know her first.


At 11:42 AM, Anonymous Hermosa Beach Drunks said...

The Beer Institute should encourage this marketing scheme among its member breweries and for itself:

"It's not a Mai-Tai...it's Miller High Life!"

"It's not a Martini...it's Colt 45!"

"We're not the NRA...we're the Beer Institute!"

At 11:43 AM, Anonymous delivery man said...

it's about time someone called them out. I hate those commercials!

At 12:27 PM, Anonymous Chanakin said...

I said Jeno's Crisp ’n Tasty. Ha!

Thanks for the head's up - I'll add that to my list - right under the Quizno's singing rats.

At 1:45 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

you're smokin' - DiGiorno is one of the best oven-bake pizzas available - and definitely better than some delivery (read: Little Caesars, Dominos) - almost as good as Frescetta.

At 2:14 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Really??? I love Little Caesars! It might not be the best - but it's got to beat frozen pizza.

At 8:32 AM, Anonymous C.M.Chase said...


I actually think I would have said Tombstone before DiGiorno. Of course, I've never tried either of those brands, so my opinion shouldn't count here.

And it's all I can do to keep the 'asians and their pepperoni' discussion from coming up. I'll take that one over to Chanakin's blog. ;)


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