Denmark

The country of Denmark is making the news these days with those cartoons that have basically pissed off the entire Muslim world. Oh CRAP. I hope the moustache and glasses I penciled in on a photo of Tom Cruise in US Weekly doesn't provoke an angry mob of Scientologists to torch my apartment.

Apart from the mass riots, flag-burning and general threats of violence, I'm actually glad that Denmark is getting a little more world attention. It's about time someone closely examined what this country has really contributed to the world:

LEGO: Unless your child wants to build a replica of a brick, they'll need at least 2 million pieces to create anything that looks remotely realistic.
Bang & Olufsen: Makers of completely impractical CD players owned by rich douchebags.
Carlsberg: Dude, even Rhode Island has its own brewery.

And speaking of islands, how the hell did Denmark end up claiming Greenland? Sure, it's pretty much a block of ice, but have you seen it on a map? It's freakin' HUGE. I say let's just take it. I don't know much about the Danish Army, but I'm pretty sure Vince Young could take them on.

By the way, if you're a hot blonde Danish woman - I'm totally kidding.