Cheesy Bites Pizza

Pizza Hut's new Cheesy Bites Pizza features a pull-apart outer crust consisting of 28 cheese-filled bites - making it the most necessary food invention ever - since I've always had the desire to eat small bits of bread stuffed with cheese just before eating a larger piece of bread topped with cheese.

It appears that Pizza Hut's product innovation philosophy is simply to stuff as much cheese as possible into areas of the pizza previously unoccupied by cheese -- which is completely reasonable if your goal is to kill your customers. First they invented the stuffed crust - but that wasn't good enough since the pizza still looked normal. So now they've completely reconfigured the stuffed crust to make the pizza look like an 18-inch cornhole.

I bet I'd be a pretty awesome CEO of Pizza Hut. I'd demonstrate leadership by storming out of the boardroom at the end of every meeting yelling "Goddammit! Just give me more cheese!" And then one day, my food engineers will tell me that there's no more room left for cheese - and I'd respond by storming out of the boardroom yelling something non-cliche like "Goddammit! Think outside the box!" And then they'd make the pizza box out of cheese and I'd be hailed as the best CEO ever. Hypothetically of course.