Randy Jackson

Who the hell is this guy. No seriously - who the 'eff is this guy? I know the question has been asked before, but I think the public has just gradually accepted him - in the same way they gradually accept a certain level of homelessness. I refuse to be so complacent.

How did this poser - who goes by the name "Randy Jackson" - somehow scam his way to become a judge on the most popular TV show in America? Paula had a decent career in the 90's and Simon is a lovable asshole. This guy wears stupid glasses.

From his official bio:

"Jackson has worked on over 1,000 gold and multi-platinum albums. His contributions have helped to sell over 200 million albums worldwide."

That's a huge steaming pile of ambiguity. I've "worked on" at least a billion things and I've "contributed to" at least a trillion things. How come I'm not judging American Idol?

Okay - I'll give him some credit. He's the only person I know who can make all the Black people in America collectively cringe by just uttering the word "DAWG". Keep it real Randy Jackson. Keep it real.